i’m just gonna be honest, we’ve had a rough month. Zach has been teething for 5 weeks straight now, and he is back to being up every hour (or less) every single night. we are absolutely exhausted. i keep thinking about writing, and craving writing, but other things keep winning the battle for the small amount of time i have to myself…like showering and laundry 🙂 but enough is enough. i am skipping the shower, and taking some time for some writing therapy.
i have been doing a lot of thinking as i go through this thing they call “parenthood”. most of my thinking occurs during these middle of the night wakings, when i have no choice but to think…because if i try to do anything on my phone, Zach wants to get his hands on it 🙂 these thoughts usually start along the lines of “god, i can’t wait til i get to sleep again” and then quickly turns to something like “i’m probably going to miss some of these moments though.”
the second thing people usually say to me after meeting Zach is “enjoy it, it goes by fast!” (the first is usually along the lines of “he’s so cute!”). but, as i’m sure most parents of young children can relate, sometimes it’s hard to “enjoy” the sleep deprivation and teething, the toddler that throws a tantrum in the middle of the store, the constant onslaught of laundry, or just the feeling that your whole world has been completely turned upside down and you can’t remember who you were before this little person came into your life. and then they look at you and smile. or say “mama” for the first time. or hold you like they’re never gonna let go. and everything is perfect.
but what about all of the other crap in between. how do you deal with it? i know i won’t feel this way every day, but i definitely want to make an effort to see things differently. so, as i lay here on yet another sleepless night, here are my desires:
- to enjoy every middle of the night waking & feeding because, before i know it, i’ll be sitting, impatiently waiting for him to come home from a date
- to take joy in the tantrums because, before i know it, he will have kids of his own doing the same thing to him 🙂
- to cherish every smile because, before i know it, i won’t get to see it everyday
- to play with him as much as i can, even when i have a ton of work to do, because, before i know it, he will have other people that he wants to play with more than me
- to be thankful every bedtime story because, before i know it, he’ll be reading to himself
- to have fun at every bath time because, before i know it, he’ll be bathing himself
- to laugh at the list of crap i need to bring for him every time we go somewhere because, before i know it, he’ll be moving all of his crap out of here
- to relish every hug, kiss, and hand holding because, before i know it, he’ll be embarrassed to do all of those things with me
- to be grateful for every load of laundry because, before i know it, i’ll miss folding all of those miniature clothes
- to welcome every diaper change because, before i know it, he’ll be wiping his own butt 🙂
- to be amazed by every new discovery he makes because, before i know it, these little things won’t seem very exciting to him anymore
- to be the best mom, friend & cheerleader i can be because, even though i will always be his mom…
before i know it, he’ll be all grown up 🙂
happy monday!
xoxo
jess
I absolutely love this! 🙂 Can I please steal the lines you put before every picture? 🙂
Teary eyed! Mostly because I am already at some of those “before you know its”.
I am so glad this is a revelation you had before it is too late 😉
I truly think about you guys often and hope for a get together sooner than later
love ya
BTW, he IS so cute and those chunky legs, uh, LOVE
Oh Jess… you are an amazing mother. I knew the day I heard little Zach would be in your lives that he would be the luckiest little guy around. You two have such pure love to share and one day when he grows up he will look back on all this and realize just how lucky he is. Joey will be 12 in a few short months and many of those “one days” have come. I begin to feel sad at all the thing I might have missed and all the times I didn’t “enjoy”. He wasn’t an easy baby and when I look back now I have forgotten all the “rough” times and find only the sweet moments when we read together, when he used to hug me, all the “funny” trouble he got in like powdering his whole room. I miss that little him. And now it is the same with the rest. They are growing so fast and the times I thought would never end…the crying, the sleepless nights, the laundry (which is now only 5 times as much as when they were teeny, tiny baby clothes) the endless “packing” to go somewhere and that special bond between a mother and her breastfed baby are distance memories. I know how tough it really is when you are in it. But you have a beautiful insight that many of us forget to think about in time. Trust in your love to get you through and lean on each other when times are tough. That “one day” comes in the blink of an eye. <3
Love everything about it! So glad you figured it out before it was too late!
This brought tears to my eyes because I can totally relate! It's reality. And as much as we TRY and enjoy EVERY minute of it, somedays we're just not going to feel like it. But is a constant daily reminder to myself to slow down and just take it all in— just love on those little monkeys!
This brought tears to my eyes because I can totally relate! It's reality. And as much as we TRY and enjoy EVERY minute of it, somedays we're just not going to feel like it. But is a constant daily reminder to myself to slow down and just take it all in— just love on those little monkeys!
Man, A, I was just.thinking.of all of these things right before I read this. Made me teary!
Beautifully written and photographed, Jess! And yes, the time does fly by – but it's OK not to relish every tantrum and every sleepless night. You're human, after all! Sometimes parenting is frustrating, incredibly hard work. But the smiles and cuddles and wonder and joy more than make up for the tough times. Keep in mind that the older he gets, the more interactive he'll be – there's a lot more fun in store. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack! And if you need a babysitter, I'm available. 🙂
Love to all three of you! <3
It is hard to LOVE every moment! But it truly does go too fast….
thanks girl! 🙂
haha sure!
thanks so much, Denise! 🙂
oh my goodness! thanks so much everyone for the comments!
@Cyndi sure!
@Christina haha yah he’s a little chunkalunk 🙂 i think about you guys all of the time too! it’s ridiculous how long it’s been 🙁
@Dana thank you so much for your sweet words and for sharing 🙂 i really really appreciate it! xo
@Lorelei thank you! oh i know…i realize i’m human, it was just more the realization that i need to stop complaining about all of these things and try to see the positive in them sometimes 🙂 i can’t wait for the fun times ahead for sure! xo
Jess, this is soooo beautiful. I join the league of your other teary readers. As I’m writing this, I’ve started the nightly ritual of holding my breath that our sweet Benjamin will stay asleep as long as possible, anxious about what the night will have in store for us. I think about you guys often, along with another friend who has a 2 month old — reminding myself I’m in good company in the dark stillness of 3am, and that, 8 months in, as Benjamin wants to hold his own little spoon and spend less time nursing because he’s so excited to venture out and explore his world, the time is already passing too quickly. Thanks for the reminder to cherish every second – even the difficult ones!
Beautifully stated…. can entirely relate.
Did so enjoy your comments and photographs and it brought back memories of when I came home with your dad who weighed 4 lbs 15 oz. Feedings 20ccs every two hours around the clock and three other little ones to take care of. At the end of a month I was totally exhausted and weighed 99 pounds. But just look at your dad now. It was worth it! Love, Grandma
Thanks grandma! He was so lucky to have an awesome mom 🙂 I would be proud too!
‘m crying right now…OMGosh! I’m literally feeling like the “before you know it” mom. Every time Matt walks out the door, I realize that soon he’ll be gone on his own, and he won’t be around as much. But when you do lose your patience, or your not “relishing” those middle of the night feedings, or crazy evening bath times, just remember you’re human! You are an excellent mom, Jess. I know you are blessed to have Zach, because we all are!!!❤ But Zach is a very blessed boy to have a mother as conscienceous and loving as you! I love you (and Z) and I REALLY enjoyed your blog post!
Love the new site and your new colors Jess. Reading your above words about Zach, and relishing the moments when he’s little, brought tears to me eyes. You’re absolutely right about them growing so fast. I remember when my 12-year old son was that little (seriously? It’s been 12 years???) Can’t wait to hear your big announcement soon! Good luck on your mini-sessions…so wonderful to be giving back to such a great cause. Hugs!