Happy Tuesday!
is everyone ready for Christmas? i’m so excited for Zach’s first Christmas! i wanted to share a fun, light-hearted post with all of you today before i take some time off. but, before i do so, i wanted to share a post that Me Ra Koh wrote for Babble yesterday. i know this is a rough time of year for a lot of people & i think it takes a lot of courage to share what she shared. i truly believe a lot of people needed to hear it, especially after last week’s horrific events: 7 Healing Exercises When the Holidays are Painful. it’s something i know that i will personally look back on and use for years to come.
so, 6 months ago i wrote a post entitled “10 Things I Finally Understand Now That I’m a Parent”. it was so much fun to hear everyone’s stories and responses as you all shared in some of these moments with me! as you parents know, we are constantly learning new things, and most days feel like we’re just making it up as we go! and time and time again, i am made aware of the fact that i’m a little judgmental about others’ parenting habits, choices & skills 🙂 so here are 10 MORE things i finally understand now that i’m a parent…
1. Naps
pre-mom misconception: naps are for wimps. i used to think it was so weird that my mom liked naps. it’s such a waste of perfectly good daylight!
new mom reality: naps are a must. i’m a walking zombie most days. my child does not like to sleep, and sometimes the only way he sleeps is when i lay down with him (maybe the universe is trying to tell me something). i wish i could take them more often, to be honest.
2. Caffeine
pre-mom misconception: caffeine is a luxury. how do people spend SO much money on something so silly?!
new mom reality: caffeine is a necessity. oh how i wish i didn’t have to rely on it the way i do sometimes! i used to enjoy a small chai tea maybe once a day. now i need a cup of coffee the minute i wake up, and a couple more pick me ups throughout the day most days.
3. Mommy Muscles
pre-mom misconception: she must workout! i remember my mom always proudly flashing her biceps and offering to arm wrestle her 5th grade students. i thought maybe she secretly went to the gym while i was sleeping.
new mom reality: who needs to workout when you’re chasing around a toddler all day long or rocking a baby all night long. i got some serious mommy muscles going on!
4. Children’s Songs
pre-mom misconception: we’re not singing ANY of that “Wheels on the Bus” crap. our kid is gonna have great taste in music. he’s even going to really enjoy Ingrid Michaelson with me.
new mom reality: “The Wheels on the Bus” always wins. the minute Zach gets cranky in the car, all we need to do is start singing that, or “Old MacDonald,” and he’s fine. nothing. else. works.
5. Being Late
pre-mom misconception: i hate it when people are late. it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. it’s disrespectful of other people’s time. i will not be one of those people.
new mom reality: when you’re trying to run out the door and you realize the diaper bag isn’t packed….crap. or you’re walking out and get spit up on and have to go back in and change your clothes. or your kid decides that once he’s strapped in the car seat, that’s the perfect time to evacuate his bowels. oh and have i mentioned i still need to stop and get my coffee on the way so that i can function? i’ve been late a few times.
6. Mom Hair
pre-mom misconception: i will not cut my hair off. i will not cut my hair off. i will not cut my hair off.
new mom reality: i cut my hair off.
7. Large Kitchens
pre-mom misconception: that would be nice to have one day. they are so pretty!
new mom reality: must. have. large. kitchen. i feel like i live in the kitchen. my hands look like an 80 year old woman’s hands from washing bottles all day long, making food, doing dishes, etc.
8. Having 10 Partial Conversations All At Once
pre-mom misconception: it drove me crazy when my mom would do this! she’d be talking about something, get distracted, start talking about something else, get distracted, and so the cycle continued. i would get off of the phone and be like “what did we just talk about?” we had like 10 partial conversations!
new mom reality: it’s VERY hard to have a single, cohesive, productive conversation with a little one demanding your attention. i feel bad for Stephen, because i know i do this to him now….all the time.
me: what do you want to do today?
me: (before he can answer) did you get my email?
me: (before he can answer again) Zach, it’s time to eat. stop playing with your food, buddy.
Stephen: well, we need to go get groceries and…
me: what? wait, what are you talking about?
Stephen: you asked what i wanted to do today.
me: i did? oh, that was like 2 minutes ago.
sorry, honey! well, at least i know i can call my mom and we speak each others language.
9. What it Really Means to be Crazy Busy!
pre-mom misconception: is it really that hard for (insert mom friend’s name here) to just go to coffee or lunch?
new mom reality: yes, yes it is. i think i can count on one hand the number of times i’ve hung out with friends in the last 10 months. seriously, where do the days go? i thought i was busy when i was single and working full-time. then, things seemed to be more busy when i was married and working full-time. then, i started my own business and had a completely new concept of “busy”. and, now, with a business and a family, i feel like i’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off most days. i can’t even imagine how my friends with 2+ kids must feel!
10. Feeling Like a Failure
pre-mom misconception: i am going to be a rock star mom. i’m going to make all of Zach’s food. everything he touches will be safe, organic, BPA-free, etc. he will sleep through the night. he won’t throw fits in public like those other kids. he won’t watch TV till he’s 2. you get it. i could go on and on.
new mom reality: i will never be the parent i thought i would be. and more often than not, i will feel like a failure. i’m not used to this. i have had to feed Zach jarred food. and i’m sure he has played with his share of non-BPA-free toys. he hates to sleep. he has lost it in public. and Baby Einstein has been a life saver on more than one occasion. but i love him more than i ever imagined possible. so i have to let go of all of those silly little things. my friend, Allison, said this to me the other day and i just love it. she said, “The only thing that you can be certain of in parenting is that it is always uncertain. It will be hard, and you will make mistakes… lots of them. But, you will also do a WHOLE lot right and no one on this planet will love your baby more than you do. So, you are perfectly perfect for the job and you are already fantastic at it. You just haven’t realized it yet.” and no one else can be his mom…so i guess that makes me a rock star mom to him. maybe that wasn’t a misconception at all.
Happy Holidays you guys! i’m going to be taking some time off, but i will see you all in 2013!
much love and blessings to you and your family,
xo
jess
You are definitely a rock star! I think it’s our perfectionism that’s the problem – we think we have to do everything perfectly, and have completely unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Something’s gotta give – and in our house, it’s usually the chores. But frankly, I’d rather have the memories of quality time spent with Emmy than a perfectly-clean-at-all-times home. You are being a wonderful mommy to Zach – never doubt that!
Love you,
Lorelei
Oh Honey, I so love reading these rants of yours………. it just shows how human you are! We are not super humans, we are but HUMBLE Mommie’s, learning life one day at a time! It is always lovely to hear other’s suggestions but at the end of the day what ever gives you peace of mind and a happy family works!
Life is crazy and busy and no matter how you plan to do things “LIFE HAPPENS” and all you an do is go from there! I feel really bad because I have not met Mr. Zach in person, not held him, gave him kisses, smelled that beautiful baby smell, so time can really get away from you :o( So for now, I will keep watching him grow up on FB :o) and read your comments and let you know how much you are LOVED! xoxoxoxox me! ;o)
Awww thank you so much, Lorelei! And it’s so true…I’m definitely having to work on my perfectionism 🙂 and I totally agree with you! I remember seeing a quote not too long ago that said “Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens & happy kids” 🙂 love it! xo
Thank you so much for the sweet comment, Melanie! I love you and we need to figure out something soon so that you can meet Zach! I can’t believe that hasn’t happened yet 🙁 I seriously don’t know where this year went though! Hope you have an awesome Christmas! xo
Beautiful, Jess. So much growth in such a short time. Being a mom will do that to you! Save all this for your Rockstar Mom book! Love you. — Aunt Sherry
As I sit for the 334th night in a row, rocking sweet Benjamin to sleep because he “still” isn’t ready to go on his own (some might tell me I did something wrong from the start here, no doubt…), I say in response to your new list:
Yes x10!
@Michelle thank you! I hear ya! We are trying sleep training method #3 as we speak. I’m so tired…
@Sherry thank you so much 🙂 I love you!
Jess, I absolutely loved this blog! You gave me a lot of credit…thank you. I pray that through it all, you realized how much you were loved. And that you were perfectly and wonderfully made. You are such an excellent mother. There is no doubt that Zach is loved. He is such a wonderful child…so you’re doing a lot right! I love the quote from Allison! I love you and you’re perfect the way you are! Yeah, about that book that Sherry mentioned, great idea. You write so well